So in total girl-fashion, Miss Hattie had to arrive with some drama. I was scheduled to be induced on Monday, the 20th, and had a normal checkup scheduled for the Wednesday before. I woke up that morning, feeling fine, but slightly dizzy! The strangest feeling ever. I took a shower, and soon realized I could hardly walk. Seeing how I had gone through the pregnancy with low iron, and had some fainting spells, I figured maybe I needed to eat. Well about 30 seconds after I ate a yogurt, it came back up. By this time it was about 7 am, which is when I needed to be leaving, to make the 3 hr drive to my appt (because I was stubborn and wouldn't change my doctor when we moved). I tell Jeff that I don't think I can drive. In fact there's no way I can drive. He decides just to take the day off, let the boys skip school, and we'll all make the trip.


We get to the doc after a 3 hr car ride that consisted of me throwing up at least 5 times. It was awful. I had my seat almost all the way reclined but just couldn't get relief. I was soo dizzy and nautious it was insane! Thankfully I don't throw up while at the doctor's office, and he tells me I'm probably just dehydrated, to go home and rest. Ok, I'm not one to argue, but I GUZZLE water. Like constantly. How could I be dehydrated? But I'm not the doc so I listen. We go to Jeff's Dad's house where I had planned to stay thru Monday since I was dilating, just to make sure there's no added drama! Jeff and the boys stay until that evening, and the dizziness doesn't subside. Wake up the next morning, still as dizzy as if I had been spinning in circles all night! I call the doc, the nurse says she'll talk to him and call me back. Of course, about 5 hours later she calls back and says "Doctor Howser wants you to come in tomorrow (Friday) morning to be induced." HECK YES! Get this show over with! So I call Jeff, he heads home from work, packs up, picks up the boys from school and heads back to Weatherford. =) About 150 bucks in gas wasted.... oh well.



Get to the hospital Friday morning, still fricking dizzy. Thankfully the throwing up had stopped. Get admitted, start fluids (which start helping with the dizzy factor, slightly) and pitocin, and we're off. Doc breaks my water at about 9 am, when I'm still only dilated to a 2. Get the epidural at about 10ish. We go allllllllll day, it's 5pm and I'm still only a 4. I start to feel pressure, so they check me again, still a 4. My nurse walks out of the room, and about (no joke) 3 minutes later another nurse walks in bc the baby moved and the monitor wasn't picking up her heart rate. I mention to her the pressure I'm still feeling, so she says she's going to check me. I tell her that my nurse had just checked me 3 minutes ago, and she says well I'll check again, and had a smirk on her face. Apparently she's done this before =) Sure enough, fully dilated, head practically sticking out. Little stinker!! She almost pushed herself right out on her own! She didn't need my help! Haha.

So they call the doc frantically, he's stuck in traffic, of course. So we wait..... and wait..... and wait.... He finally gets there, throws some gloves on, 1 1/2 pushes later at 5:31 Hattie Grace was born!!! =) 8lbs, 7oz, 20" long. She's perfect! 10 fingers, 10 toes, all that good stuff.

Love Her.

She's here!!

And she's perfect! Hattie Grace was born September 17th, 2010 at 5:31pm. Tons of drama and chaos accompanied her arrival, but so happy she's here! Will post all the details (along with a million pictures) tomorrow! I should be sleeping right now, while I can!

Progress

We finally have real internet for the first time in almost a year!!!!! Where we were living, it was $75/mo just for basic internet, RIDICULOUS. So we just made do with our cell phones or when we were at our parents. Now that we live in an actual city, 25 bucks a month gets us the fastest DSL available! Nice.

Soooo now I can post pictures on here! Like this one:

Look at that beautiful family! Haha. And this one:

Look at that gut! This was a week ago-ish, at 36 weeks, now I'm 37 1/2 weeks, and at my appt yesterday found out I've started dilating, so hoping to make it to Monday, the 20th, our scheduled induction day! We're 3 hours away from the hospital I'm delivering at, so don't need any exciting things to happen before then!

And there's this one:

My boys started football! Finally! Jeff's been waiting for this day for 8 years now. The day Noah was born, all Jeff was picturing was the beginning of a football team. Noah is the kicker, which is what Jeff excelled at all through high school, so that wasn't surprising. He even had a chance to be the kicker at a UNT, but just didn't show up for his interview. I believe he said it was bc he was in the middle of a video game..... Max plays on the defensive and offensive line (he's solid!) and last week played a little tight end. They are LOVING every second of it, which makes me happy.

Guess I should mention that we moved! Loving it here in Tyler. It's soo nice to be right around the corner from Target, Walmart, a mall, etc etc etc. In Weatherford, it was at least a 30 minute drive for anything. Haven't really gotten to make new friends yet, but now that football and school have started, and we've found a new church, it won't be long. The boys have made several friends, but I need to meet their parents before we have any get togethers =) I'm not picky about much, but that's important.

Not much else going on, just waiting for this baby! Soo ready to not have my kidneys, lungs, ribs and bladder constantly assaulted. Not to mention the heartburn! UGH, the heartburn. Oh and the passing out! Yeah, apparently my hemogloben is low? I dunno, so trying to take an iron supplement, but I'm horrible at taking pills. It's hard enough for me to remember my regular vitamin, but I can't take the iron at the same time, or with food. How am I supposed to take it "1 hour before a meal or 2 hours after a meal" when I have to eat every hour so I don't pass out?!

Yeah, I'm done. Done being pregnant. After 4 times now, I can say that and mean it whole heartedly! It's time for the next phase of life.

Normally Abnormal

Ok so Max has an irregular rythm that changes with his breathing but is within the average range, so no meds or special precautions. He's just abnormal =)

Let's add some chaos...

...to the mix. As if there's not enough craziness going on at the moment.

So last Tuesday (a week and a half ago) I took Noah & Max to the doc for their annual checkups/physicals for football, assuming it would be the normal, boring appt. Nope, of course not.

To start out, they both had a trace of blood in their urine, what's up w that? Then Noah had swimmer's ear (which he hadn't complained once about) and Impentigo (sp?) on his nose, which I thought was just a little raw bc his nose has been running a lot from allergies. So 2 prescriptions right off the bat.

On to Max -

First off, she heard an irregular heart beat, or something like that, so she told me to take him to the children's hospital for an EKG and to pick up a monitor for him to wear for 24 hours. She didn't seem too worried, but docs are good at that, so I'm freaking out a little. Then she tells me that his lymph nodes are swollen for no apparent reason, so she's gonna do some bloodwork to check everything out. Now I'm really freaking out (only on the inside, of course). So 15 min later, in comes the nurse to draw the blood from my 6 year old, who now I'm looking at like he's my baby that I want to hold. He did sooo good. He watched the whole time, 4 VILES full! I had to have bloodwork done the day before, and only had to fill 3 viles, so he was pretty stoked that he did more than mom =)

Well 2 days later we get the word that all the bloodwork came back completely normal, so I got to take a deep breath. That was the part that was really worrying me.

And as for the heart issue -

I'm skipping a lot of drama, including a massive blow-out on the interstate and a missed appt for the EKG, and fast forwarding to today, 4 days after they said I would have the results... Still haven't heard a word!!! Sooo annoying. I really don't think there's anything wrong, I think all the stress going on around him is affecting him. And the fact that we haven't heard anything from the doc further leads me to believe it's nothing serious. If it were, wouldn't they have already let me know something?

Anyway, I'm calling today if they don't call me. Not that it'll do anything, but I can't help myself =) Will update if I actually find something out!

oh man

So it's funny to go back and read my like "info" section on here, because i wrote it like... over a year ago? And when I said I was "OMG so busy" I had NO IDEA WHAT WAS COMING! 3 HYPER boys, the pregnancy from hades, the hottest summer ever, my parents and sisters moving into our house w/ us, AND us moving OUT. O M G I don't know what to do with myself.

If I haven't mentioned it before, my parents and sisters moved in with us a couple weeks ago. They needed to sell their house, and it wasn't selling, so they put it up for rent and was rented out w/i 2 weeks. Sooo, thank the LORD this opportunity for us to move came up, otherwise we'd be living together indefinitely, which I'm finding out would NOT be acceptable. Just a glimpse: our kitchen has 2 refrigerators, 2 center islands, 2 dining room tables (w/ 13 chairs), and about 30 packed boxes, tubs, etc. That's my kitchen, people. Now picture the living room, bedrooms, and backyard!!! We're a cat family, well not really, but they keep the mice and snakes away, so we let them live outside our back door. My parents are dog people. There is a constant power struggle in the backyard right now. No one is getting along. It's beyond insane. This morning I almost came unglued because my cereal (yes, MY cereal) was gone, and yesterday, there was enough for 3 more bowls left. I had to take deep breaths and tell myself it wasn't a big deal. I can't believe I'm admitting that but it's true!

So add to that situation, the hardest pregnancy I've had yet. This little girl is wearing me out. If I don't eat every hour, here is some of what I experience: achy, restless legs, headaches, dizziness, blurred vision (like I couldn't read a message on my phone right in front of my face), my face and ears feel like they're on FIRE (like I have a horrible sunburn but I don't!), and random numbness that moves up and down my arms. ODD right?!? I almost passed out 3 times one day, so decided to give my doc a call, and she asked "well what have you eaten today?" To which I replied "ummm, a yogurt..... a cracker.... umm some toast?" LOL I'm so dumb! "Hun, you need to eat." Who has time to eat!?!?! Especially when NOTHING sounds good. It's really hard to eat when nothing sounds good. And when it's 100+ degrees outside, nothing but ice sounds good. Little Miss Hattie is doing just great, though, kicking, rolling and bouncing around in there having a good ol' time. Stinker.

And the icing on the cake: moving. Wow, moving. I've thrown away as much as I've packed. And now all that's left to pack are things we use on a daily basis, so can't really pack anymore. Jeff's finishing up his 4th week of work out in Tyler already. He's enjoying it and is good at it, so couldn't ask for more! Having him gone all week is good some days, and not so much on others. I love having the bed to myself, but not really ever getting a break from the boys is tiring. This next 2 weeks can NOT go by quick enough.

Holy mother of moses did I forget to mention my 3 adorable, well behaved little boys? Yeah, driving me nuts. If they're not dumping boxes of crackers all over the ground, they're leaving their markers out for Ben to color on the walls with. If they're not punching each other repeatedly, they're trying to drown each other in the pool! I walked out just in time to see Max, the 6 yr old, ask Ben, the 2 yr old if he wanted to go under, and when Ben exclaimed "yes!" Max proceeded to push his little head right under! Max is now grounded from the pool for a week, but really doesn't understand why. Ugh.

Good news: Our new house is ADORABLE, and the exact size, price and location we wanted! There's an issue w/ the ac, that's getting looked at on Monday, and since we're just renting at first, it's not our responsibility, which is nice for a change!

Well, better go see what chaos awaits me......

The move is on...

and not the little move west. A HUGE move east!

Jeff got a job offer a couple of months ago for a company in Tyler, TX, about 2 1/2 hours east of us. I've been ignoring him every time he brought it up because I have NO intention of moving my family away from my home for the past 20 years. We like this area, we have so many friends, an amazing church, and most of our family is nearby. He would try to talk to me about it, and I would walk away.

Then, of course, he agreed to the job with his dad's company. A promising job that would start out slow and with not much pay, but he had the opportunity to work his way up to a very good salary w/i 8 years or so, and we wouldn't have to move far.

So I was pleased.

THEN, he drops the bombshell on me that I have to go with him for an actual INTERVIEW for the position in Tyler. And he's the ONLY person they're interviewing.

I cried and yelled at him and told him I wasn't going. It's his decision. Not mine.

Then I laid in bed with Ben and prayed. Why don't I pray sooner?

All of a sudden I felt such peace. I had to apologize to Jeff and say that I'd go with him. He looked at me and smiled and I said "If you say a word I'm not going." He smiled and said "I wasn't gonna say anything..."

So we went. And it was nice. It's beautiful compared to here. Trees everywhere. Green everywhere. And it's an amazing opportunity. Double what he would make the first year working for his dad's company. And basically the same opportunity to move up. The owner wants to train Jeff up to someday buy the company.

We came home and he went straight to his Dad's to talk about it. His dad called it a "slam dunk" and told Jeff not to pass it up. We prayed and felt peace, so the next day (today) he called the boss and accepted the job. They really want him to start like... tomorrow, but Jeff has a mini-mester class that starts in a week and goes for 2 weeks, but then he'll start (by driving back and forth, staying all week) for 3 weeks, then has one more commitment to youth camp for the last week in June, then we'll all move out there!

To say I'm terrified would be an understatement. It's happening so fast and I've never moved more than 45 min away from "home." Especially with 3 kids and 1 on the way! Now I have to take a break from thinking about it so I don't start hyperventilating. When I catch my breath I'll update more =)

Hattie Grace Hopkins

Shall be her name =) my mom and sister hate it, so I know it's perfect. Everyone else either loves it or is just being nice... I'll take it either way =)

I was sitting in the doctor's office reading a magazine and came across the name Hattie. I didn't think Jeff would go for it so I texted it to him along with 2 others I liked, and he replied that he had heard the name Hattie on tv the night before and was going to suggest it to me! He then looked up the meaning: Home Ruler. HA! We've been saying all along that she will be the boss of her 3 big brothers, so Hattie it is. And in an effort to make sure she's not an evil dictator we added Grace. So at least she'll be a gracious ruler =)

Oh and she's already bossing people around. During my sonogram she was opening and closing her mouth the whole time, like a little fish. She was giving someone an earful!

In other news, Ben is almost completely potty trained and sleeping in his big-boy-twin-bed! And he's not even 2 yet! The pacifier is the nxt thing to go, but I'm not in a hurry. I don't really see the big deal about the paci anyway. It makes him feel better when he's sick or tired, so what's the problem?

Noah turned in his first Quest (Gifted & Talented) project last week. It was a huge map of Paul Revere's Ride. He did soo good. He's honestly smarter than I am. I readily admit it. He definitely is lacking in the logic dept but he can't be perfect!

I've about had it with Max's teacher. He comes home everyday with 5-8 plain white worksheets. He's in KINDERGARTEN! What do u expect him to do when you just shove worksheet after worksheet in a 6 yr old's face? YES, he's gonna occasionally color on his desk! He's bored out of his friggin mind! He has aced every timed math test they've had, and is reading above where he is supposed to be. On Tuesday when I walked up to pick him up his teacher grabbed him by the arm and walked to meet me - great, what did u do now, Max. She proceeds to tell me how sorry she is that she didn't know he had brought his lunch and had put him in the lunch line, then he ate his lunch that he brought for snack. I say no prob, no worries. So as we walk off I ask Max why he didn't tell his teacher that he had brought his lunch, and he says "I tried!" I almost turned around and walked back to Ms. Crappy-teacher and opened up a can. LOL. It took everything in me not to. He messes up and gets a writeup in his folder, then tries to do the right thing and gets ignored.

Which brings me to my nxt bit of news...

We're moving. Not far, but far enough. Jeff decided to take the job with his dad (basically working his way up to the top w/i about the nxt 5-8 years). The company is based 45 min west of us. There's a town about 20 min in that direction that is much smaller than here, but not too small, and Jeff's scoping out land out there. The schools are great - much smaller classes than here, and with a brand new state of the art elementary school. We also know several teachers/coaches and even a principal from that school district. Anyway, hopefully nxt year my kids won't be ignored and forced to do worksheets till they die from boredom. It's going to be a good change!!

On a sad note, Mavs went down tonight. They're so much better than the Spurs, but just couldn't pull it off. RIP Mavs 09-10 season.... GO LAKERS!

F R U S T R A T I O N

So apparently Blogger is trying to make it easier on my by making me retype my email/password 500 times before finally letting me log onto my blog! It never would let me from my phone, so I took a minute from "work" to try on the church computer, and about 200 tries later, voila! Success.

Ok so, IT'S A GIRL!!!! I still don't know what to think. I made the sono tech chick tell me that she was 100% positive, and she was. It's such an odd feeling. Jeff tried to give me a high-5 so I punched him in the gut. Noah and Max left the doc's office with their heads hanging low. It was quite a sight. Sooo wish I wasn't laughing hysterically and had gotten out my camera. Most of that is for show, though. They love telling people that we got "bad news." Then they just giggle.

I HONESTLY don't think it's set in yet. I just don't know where to start. A friend brought over a sweet little dress and big bow and I have no idea where to put them! It's like they don't belong in our house! I left them sitting on the kitchen island for like 3 days. I finally hung it up in the closet, but it still seems soo out of place.

Although I don't know what to think, I definitely feel happy. Either way I was going to be happy. Knowing that it's a healthy, happy baby in there, kicking and rolling around makes me smile.

Rain, Rain, GO AWAY!

I'm pretty sure it has rained, on average, every other day for the past 6 months, and I'm fully aware that we were in a drout at this time last year, but good grief, I think we're good now!

So we're off to the coast today! Everyone's excited, which means there's alot of noise at my house right now. Which is fine with me cause I'm not there! I'm stuck up at the church, trying to get the bulletin's printed before we take off! .

So the Mavs game SUCKED. But they beat the Bulls last night, so we're back on track. We had beaten the Knicks a couple of months ago by 50 points, so they felt they needed to prove a point or something I guess? I don't really blame them, but we had such amazing seats, and all we saw was defeat, up close. Oh well...

I still have the cough from hell. Going on 4 weeks now. Went to the doc and he just said take Robitussin, which is NASTY and makes me gag and I'm convinced does nothing. The massive snot production that my body is insisting on making right now isn't making the situation any better. I've been sleeping in the recliner in the living room, to spare Jeff the constant hacking. My mother in law said she had the cough for 4 weeks, so please, God, let this be the last of it.

Off to fold some bulletins, then to get a nice pre-Summer tan =)

i'm usually right

And by "usually" I mean "always." It's actually a bit ridiculous.

When I first went to the doc, I had made an educated guess as to how far along I was: approx 9 weeks. After the nurse questioned me for awhile, she determined that I was actually 11 weeks. It didn't make sense to me, but I'm not a doctor, or nurse, for that matter =) so I didn't argue. At my second trip to the doc, I just couldn't help myself, and I decided to question it, but got the same response, still due Sept 7th. OOOK, whatever y'all say!

Well guess what! Yup! I was right all along. Sonogram confirms I'm only 11 weeks, 5 days today, moving the due date to September 25.

This is totally cool with me.

Jeff coaches highschool football, and both Noah and Max will play football this fall, so this way I won't miss hardly any of their games. I really am happy about that.

It also explains why I'm still having some nauseousness (is that a word?). I was beginning to wonder why I was still feeling sick, into the second trimester (tho I felt sick when I was preggo w/ Ben for almost the first 6 months, but I'm determined that's NOT happening again (yes I'm pretending I have control over it)). And actually, as I typed that I realized I haven't felt bad all day today... I'm not gonna hold my breath, but maybe things are lookin up!

My only complaint is that now, instead of 2 weeks until we find out the sex of baby #4, it's now 4 weeks, maybe even 5 weeks away!! I know it will fly by, though, so I'll live =)

It was so fun watching baby #4 bounce around during the sonogram. He would throw his legs up in the air and just flop and roll and do whatever he wanted to! So happy! It's incredible, really. Jeff couldn't stop smiling. It's our 4th time around and it doesn't get any less cool!

In other news:

How 'bout them MAVS?! Holy cow, Cuban made the trade of a lifetime! We got rid of Howard and... I can't even remember who else, and got Brendan Haywood, Deshawn Stevenson, and Caron Butler, and are currently on a 13 game win streak!! This season wasn't lookin good, and now we could go all the way! Jeff surprised me w/ tickets to Saturday night's game, so that'll be fun! They're good ones, too =)

details details

So I didn't really share any specifics yet did I? Here's the dillio-

I'd been feeling... off I guess, SUPER tired, and a little nautious, so I took a pee test... not expecting to be surprised. But oh was I.

Jeff is extatic. Over the moon. Hyper and goofy like a little kid. It's a mix of cute and really annoying. More annoying since I'm not feeling too hot. Yesterday he had the nerve to complain about the lunch I made for him! When he got home from work he was "starving" and proceeded to tell me that he had "choked down half of the sandwich bc it had mistard on it." EXCUSE ME? Of all times, this would be the best? He's never complained about the food I've made for him, and apparently he thought it would be "funny." He was mistaken. I let him know that critisizing your *slightly* emotional, pregnant wife is NOT as hilarious as he had anticipated. And I will not be making his lunch for awhile...

The boys are happy. Max wants another brother, Noah thinks maybe a sister would be ok. Ben has started saying "baby" and pointing to my tummy, which means he's cool with it I think? =)

Everyone I talk to wants it to be a girl, but I'm not really set either way. I HONESTLY believe that God knows we do well with boys, so it will not shock me if boy #4 is on the way.

It's just so much pressure with everyone telling me to "think pink" that if it's a boy, I worry he'll feel like he wasn't wanted. I guess all that matters is if he's wanted by his family, and there's nothing I'm gonna love more than a new life to join our family, no matter what "parts" come along. People don't realize that their words hurt. Did I mention I'm a tiny bit emotional lately? I'm not my normal self right now!

What's my normal right now?

Zombie with waves of nauseous-ball-of-yuck.

I'm sooo tired, all day everyday. I'm taking my vitamins, and they're helping a little, and I'm even still going to the gym, but just can't seem to WAKE UP!

The nauseousness is so odd this time around. I start to feel so sick and nothing in the world sounds good, but as soon as I make myself eat, I feel better!! Fooorrr about an hour. Then the cycle starts again. So I'm basically eating every hour, which makes me seriously nervous. I typically only gain 15-25 lbs w/ a pregnancy, and I keep 10 of it! Soo if I gain 40, will I keep 20!? Ugh. I know it's not worth worrying about, I just can't help it.

So I'm about 12 weeks, due Sept 7th. My next doc apt is next week on Wednesday, and I'll find out if we can schedule the gender check sono!! Just want to know. Really bad =) usually they can tell around 15-16 weeks, so we'll see...

Nausea nausea
Please go away
Despite what you've heard
I do not want to play.

Nausea, oh nausea
Please leave me alone
I don't want to be attached
To the porceline throne.

Sooo much news!

1. Ben is trying to potty train! He's only 21 months, so I'm not sure if it's a false alarm, or if I should go with it... still processing...

2. Right now there is 10 inches of beautiful, fluffy, bright white snow on the ground! In Texas!

3. 5 day weekend!!.

4. Jeff's getting more serious about going into business with a friend of his, which promises much more income than we're currently seeing, which like the potty training, I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it's encouraging.

5. We're pregnant!!!!!! Last but not least =)

Today I'm thankful for amazing babysitters who watch my kids for 2 hours longer than I had originally planned (one of the "best" but longest funerals EVER) and accept pizzas as payment =)

I've got good news and bad news...

So here's the bad news...

The funeral is tomorrow. I'm not prepared. Are you ever prepared for a funeral? Especially a funeral under these circumstances.

What do I say? I've heard soooo many different answers to that question, most of which contradict each other so how do I know which is best? I guess the generic "love you" is acceptable, even though it seems so basic and surface-level. But it's true, so that's a pro. Ugh. The more I analyze it the more nervous I get.

I know this sounds selfish so far, I really am thinking a lot about them and what they're going through, but I just don't know how I fit into the equation, so I don't know how to act.

My dad's been running around like a mad-man dealing w/ details, picking up people from the airport, delivering flowers, cleaning their house, etc. I wish there was more I could do, but who wants to ride an hour in the car w/ a screaming 1 year old from the airport?

It'll be nice when it's over. If one more person asks me details about it I think I might just fall apart. People have been cornering me!! Asking so many questions that the family does not want anyone to know, and I'm DEFINITELY not going to be the one to discuss details. The only reason I know some of it is because my dad was so overwhelmed that it just kept rolling out of his mouth and I just happened to be the one in the living room with him. He had to spend the whole day with them, finding out details, whens, why's. He was there when the dad told his daughter.

Heartbreaking stuff man.




Sooo did you think I forgot about the good news? Nope! Drum roll please.....


I have a reader!!!!! How cool is that! I'm gonna have to step up my game! Actually spell-check... Not whine and cry so much... Exaggerate a little to make my life seem a bit more interesting. Ok well maybe not the last one... I'm pretty sure my reader would see right thru it anyway ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today I'm very thankful for my warm and comfy bed!

saddness

Just got off the phone with my dad. He usually only calls if he needs a favor, so sometimes I hesitate to answer, but I didn't this time. I definitely wasn't expecting what he said.

His best friend's wife was finally successful in ending her life this morning.

She's tried at least 3 times before, but because her husband was a high profile athelete, they managed to keep it very quiet, although everyone at church knew and she had gone through ministry w/ my parents multiple times.

I'm not really sad for her. She had so many people reaching out to her, letting her know how much we need her HERE, on earth w/ us, and that it would be very selfish of her to end her life, despite how much of a burden she felt she was (she had severe anxiety and felt worthless bc of it).

I am, however, devistated for her young daughter.

I can't even describe the sorrow I'm feeling in my heart for her. When she gets a little older, she's gonna realize that to her mom, she wasn't enough of a reason to fight for life. And that breaks my heart.

I get it that in the mom's mind, everyone is better off now, but it's obviously just the opposite. Thankfully the father is pretty stable, and my parents are pretty amazing at handling situations like this (my mom struggles w/ severe anxiety as well).

It still just sucks.

Today I'm thankful for forgiveness, and that our good friend is finding out exactly how good it is right now.

Quick Pic Update

Chillin up at the church on a Friday night... we're party animals. Jeff's working on school work, boys are playing video games, Ben is smashing playdough into the carpet, so I figured I might as well do something.

Don't really have anything fun to talk about, but here are a few new pics.

Last Saturday we decided to get up early and do some fishing in our pond.

Brothers doing their homework =)

There was a picture of Max, buuutttt the computer freaked out and now Jeff's waiting for me in the car w/ the boys so I'd better go =)

if i hate hateful people does that make me hateful?

So I totally get that writing a blog almost makes some of the authors celebrities of sorts. And celebrities endure a TON of criticism and sucky judgmental people giving their opinions that haven't been asked for.

BUT in the case of Karen Owens, it's simply undeserved. She's my age, but has already gone through so much in life that NO ONE wants to go through, and she's always handled it with grace, dignity and honesty.

She lost her beautiful son in November, after 3 long years of suffering, and through God's grace has managed to get up, dust herself off and move on (www.gavinowens.com), meanwhile NEVER forgetting her amazing baby boy.

Despite those FACTS there are still incredibly irresponsible people who have left comments anonymously on her blog, that are nothing but hurtful and devastating. It makes me sooo mad!! Why are some people like that? What makes them feel the urge to say hurtful things to a heartbroken, grieving mother?! I can't wrap my head around it.

I couldn't help but cry, thinking about that comment "You sound like your son was a burden" must have made her feel. After all the heartache. After all the pain - deep, immense pain. And if that's not bad enough, for someone else to agree with that hatefulness. It's absolutely MIND-BLOWING!

The truth of the matter is when you write a blog, your life is no longer private, and unless you turn comments off, it can happen again, which is just another example of how strong she is.

I really hope that the anonymous hater is a man, or woman with no children, because there's no way that a Mom, who has felt the love, joy and pain children bring to our lives could draw that conclusion. I don't think so anyway. I have been wrong a few times, though. =) Just a few.

Today I'm thankful for...

Some days this is harder than others...

Today I'm thankful that no one reads my blog because if I ever get crappy rudeness from an anonymous jerk-face I'll not be as graceful as Karen is =)

Christmas Crap...

...is the best Christmas Party game we've ever played! Every year Jeff and I dread all the lame-o Christmas Party games we'll have to play at the many Christmas Parties we're expected to attend. If I have to play the STUPID humming game or listen to god-awful sober karaoke one more time I will cry.

Well, cry no more. This game was amazing.

So it's basically the gift-exchange game, but instead of bringing good gifts, you play this after Christmas and you bring the crappiest gifts that you got for Christmas that year. It's hysterical! We brought scratched off lottery tickets (that were duds) and a tiny naked baby (that my odd sister got Jeff). We were crying we were laughing so hard.

We came home with a Connect-4 game, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory dvd, and a HIDEOUS black and yellow cosmetic bag - Yes we ended up w/ 3 gifts bc Jeff gets so much joy out of being a pain in the arss and had stolen coffee from one chick (just because it's REALLY fun to piss her off), and after the game was over, offered it back to her but she'd have to trade hers and her husbands gifts. Needless to say she didn't consult the hubby - she grabbed his gift and chunked it, along w/ hers at Jeff in exchange for the coffee (which we don't even drink). It was great.

I honestly don't know where we'd be without our Young-Married's family group. And not just because we play cool games =) we have honestly learned so much, thru not only the teachings (which are incredible), but just the relationships. We're all going thru the same things! We're not alone.

After Christmas Crap was over, we settled down a little and started talking about some prayer requests. Ours, of course, was the car situation (and that I don't go crazy in the next 6 months of maddness).

Welllll... After we were finished praying, one of my girlfriends from the group came up to me and said that she and her hubby want us to use their van (new Nissan Quest, which is my dream car, no joke, I'm ridiculous) because it just sits in their driveway since she has another vehicle and her hubby has a work truck. OH MY GOSH I was in shock. I texted her a couple hours later to say "thank you" because I realized I hadn't said it! I am still stunned.

I don't know why. The Lord has ALWAYS provided. ALWAYS. God, You are so good to me and I don't deserve it. I never have.

Today I'm just plain thankful =)

In all my whining and crying in that last post I forgot to mention

I GOT A NEW CAMERA!! Yay. Even though the loan was much less than expected (and needed), Jeff said I could still get a new camera (it was the one "splurge"... all the rest went towards debt, cross my heart) since my old one broke about 4 months ago, and taking pictures is my heroine. All day I think about new places to take the boys to take pics... everything they do I think to myself "that will make such a cute page in their scrapbook!" It's ridiculous, seriously, but I'm happy!

Still don't have internet at home though, so still won't be able to put many up on here, although I'm on facebook alot more than blogging, so I'm sure I'll manage to get a few on there every once in a while. FB is how Jeff and I keep in touch w/ all our relatives, since we're scattered all over the globe!

I leave you with one more... this is my "undies in the crack" weirdo...

blog-it-out

I'm sooo annoyed w/ Noah's Quest (GT) teacher right now.

So apparently our school district isn't forking enough money over for the Gifted & Talented program so there's only one teacher for all 5 elementary schools in our district. Which means Noah only gets to go to Quest on Friday mornings from like 830 - noon. Well, because she's so busy, he hasn't had Quest since before the Christmas break! She's been teaching in Ft. Worth for some reason and our town doesn't have a sub for that class or something?? I don't know the details, but that's not even the actual reason I'm pissed.

Noah's favorite thing about school (other than recess of course-he IS a boy) is library day, and he's been in heaven this year because when he goes to the library w/ quest, he can get a book from ANY section! Not just the second grade section.

Well, back in October, Noah had checked out a couple of books when he was in Quest, along w/ a couple w/ his regular teacher, but on different days of the week. Well 2 weeks later when it was time to return the books he had checked out w/ Quest, the teacher didn't show, so he didn't get to return the books. I didn't even find out until I got his report card and it said I owed 60 freaking dollars for 2 library books! What!? Well Noah told me exactly what happened and that it was only a 20 cent fine and that his Quest teacher paid it for him.

I chilled out and dropped it.

Fast forward to today. Noah gets home from school and hands me another one of those papers that has OVERDUE stamped on it in big red letters. 45 bucks this time! Noah was almost in tears telling me how he didn't get to check out a book today (w/ his regular class) because he hasn't returned the books from Quest (the class he hasn't had in a month!!!).

It breaks my heart picturing him sitting at a table all alone, holding a piece of paper basically telling the world he did something wrong, while his classmates are browsing the library for books. I know how dramatic that sounds but I also know how exaggerated situations are to kids. It must have felt like hours that he sat there by himself. He even told the librarian the story and she couldn't call me so I could bring the books up?? Aahhh!!

Right now I'm realizing that I've got issues. Obviously as a mom I want to always be there for my kids, but I won't always be able to. I've got to let things like this go. Emotionally - not physically. The school will definitely be hearing from me tomorrow, but I can't let it break my heart. I have to know that every situation like this will build character in my children, strengthen them and that's not a bad thing. It's my job to teach him how to handle himself when he faces things like this, not be there to handle everything for him.

I'm still mad though.

On an even more depressing note - Jeff's student loan was 1000 less than anticipated, and that 500 bucks I mentioned the other day that we could use for a clunker that we seriously need... Yeah, got the electric bill - $504.26. Crap.

One more thing - is it normal that wedgies have evolved into Max running around w/ his underwear completely up his crack, laughing at the top of his lungs? Or is he a weird child? I'm really not sure.

Today I'm thankful for this beautiful day! 65 and sunny! It was wonderful. Ben and I walked to the park to feed the ducks, and we all went fishing in the pond wheh Jeff got home.

I think I'm over the library situation now. Just needed to blog-it-out. =)

We need a new car!!

OOOhhh my geeze we need a car!

Starting tonight this is our "schedule" (with 1 car):

Monday - jeff works 45 min away, from 7-4, but I've got to get the boys to school at 7:45am and pick them up at 3(every day). Then jeff has class from 6-9pm.

Tuesday - same schedule PLUS Max has soccer practice at 6pm.

Wednesday - currently the only day that works, no prob.

Thursday - thankfully, Jeff's dad will pick him up for work in the morn (his dad is the president of the company), but he doesn't bring him home until 530ish, and Jeff has class (30 min in the opposite direction) at 6pm again. He'll be stinky and have no time to eat (which are both unacceptable for Jeff). Oh and Max has practice again at 6.

Fridays - are cool, cause his dad will take him and he doesn't have class.

Starting in April, Jeff starts "spring training" with the football boys, which is usually from like 330-530, every day but Wednesday. Yeah...

Mixed in w/ this Jeff also has an online class but we currently have no internet at home (we live so far out, it's like 75/month, minimum) so he has to go to my parent's house to use theirs.

AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

We have 500 bucks we could use for an old junker, I'm way past caring about my image, I just need to be able to get all 4 =) of my boys to school!! We just haven't been able to find one. Jeff's dad has offered to sell us his little toyota... For 5000 dollars. Lol. That's hysterical. IF I HAD 5000 DOLLARS I WOULDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM!! Ugh.

It'll work out... It always does, I just forget too quickly how the Lord has always provided.

God, today I'm thankful that You already have a plan for my little family, and if You'd like to share it w/ me that'd be grrrreat =)

I know it's been almost a month since Christmas, but this is the first time I've gotten to get on a "real" computer to upload a pic, and as you can tell, not a great pic, but 3 happy boys doesn't happen often, and fuzzy or not, they're cute =)

super duper randomness

I've been thinking lately about if I'm going to get pregnant again anytime soon. Yes, we already have 3 boys, and no, we're not wealthy, but we have always worked as hard as we could to provide for and teach our kids the basic truths (don't lie, love your neighbor, don't be stupid, etc) that I think we should try again.

A brief T-M-I rabbit trail - my body is weird, not normal at all. Every 28 days, in normally functioning female's bodies', an egg says to the rest of the group "I'm sick of u B's... I'm outta here!" - causing the said female's period. Apparently my eggs are best buds because I only have 1-3 periods a year. Which is super ok w/ me! But does make family planning difficult (although we've managed to get pregnant 3 times already, none of which were planned tho).

Back to the point - we have a pretty ideal family setting to produce more human beings. I mean, we have to cancel out the Nad.ia Sul.emon kids, right?? Not all by myself, but if 5 stable families have 4 kids each, it'll cancel out the poor kids who are growing up in that type of craziness!

One more rabbit trail - I do not believe homosexual couples should be able to get married. Where would it end? Next, could men marry porcupines? (I am not opposed to the idea of some type of certificate or license that read "partners" "pals" or "best-friends-for-life" for that matter - there's no reason that if you were in the hospital, that the person you love shouldn't be able to be by your side. But marriage was and is intended to be between one man and one woman. Don't hate me!) HOWEVER, the Lord can bring good into any situation, and I think the number of children who have been adopted by wonderful, loving, responsible, caring gay and lesbian couples is definitely a pro.  But it also means that us Christians aren't doing a very good job! Again, don't hate me, it's just how I feel. I never wanted to get super religious or political on my blog, and it seems I've broken both of my rules here.

BACK TO MY POINT!

Ok, so will I ever get pregnant again? Who knows, I think I'd be just fine if not... It's not like I have a ton of spare time, but I wouldn't mind going thru 9 more months of miserable, nautious, wonderful fattness to welcome another miracle into the world.

Today I'm thankful for good people =).

I keep forgetting!!

Today I'm thankful that the boys don't have school in the morning so maybe I can sleep in! Shout out MLK Jr. =)

cheater cheater pumpkin eater

I'm cheating tonight because there's too much going on to pick a single event to discuss (with myself, haha):

1)Where is your cell phone?
In my hand (love my blackberry =)

2)Where is your significant other?
Laying right next to me, checking scores (on his matching bb) and watching Law & Order (if I tried to change the channel I'd be risking my fingers...)

3)Your hair color?
Plain ol brown

4)Your mother?
On so many meds that I'm not sure how she keeps track. Love her with all my heart!

5)Your father?
The hardest worker I know.

6)Your favorite thing?
Wall flowers- those plug-in smelly-good things from bath&bodyworks. I really really like them =)

7)Your dream last night?
Slept like a baby. I remember closing my eyes around 11ish and waking up to Max in my face asking if we could get "piggies" (sausage biscuits) for breakfast at 7ish.

8)Your dream/goal?
Really just to have a healthy, happy family. I mean I'd love to finish school and have an actual job one of these days, but I'd be fine if that never happened. I don't need it. My main prayer is that I will have the wisdom and strength to raise strong, confident, honest boys (maybe a girl one day?) while managing to love and cherish Jeff along the way (even tho he pisses me off regularly =).

9)The room you're in?
My bedroom, that really needs some updating.

10)Your hobby?
Scrap booking!!! I'm addicted, but thankfully I'm broke and busy out of my mind so it's not able to take over my life. Now when we become millionaires and the boys go off to college, watch out!

11)Your fear?
That I haven't learned the lessons that I should have learned by now. I hate stupid mistakes.

12)Where do you want to be in 6 years?
Hopefully not in the looney bin yet! The boys will be 13, 11, and 7. Wow. It's hard to imagine. Jeff will have been out of school and coaching football for about his 8th year, so hopefully settled in somewhere. We'll see...

13)Where were you last night?
At a meeting with our elders, discussing Jeff's possible job change. Our feelings were confirmed... Change is a'commin!!

14)What you're not?
Friggin motivated enough to lose weight.

15)Wish list item?
New camera, fo sho!

16)Where you grew up?
I was born in Amsterdam, NY, moved to Pasadena, CA when I was 4, then moved to Weatherford, TX when I was 10 and have lived here since.

17)Last thing you did?
Ran to Wally World to grab a gallon of milk (6 patches for the boys jeans and a $4 movie) for Baby Ben's ba-ba =)

18)What are you wearing?
Black nail polish, yeah, I'm a rebel like that =)

19)Your tv?
Omg my new favorite show: Modern Family!!! Stinking hilarious!

20)Your pet?
5 (yes 5) cats. 1 cat showed up at our back door about a year ago, and gave birth to 4 kittens a few months later. They're all females (weird, right), outside cats, and GREAT mouse catchers so they're welcome here! We tried the dog thing (a bassett named Caroline =( ) but I got majorly attached and she died when she was only like 6 momths old and I sobbed for at least 3 days, so no more puppies for me!! (Not yet anyway ;)

21)Your computer?
Worthless bc it won't charge. How do I figure out if it's the laptop or the charger w/o buying a new charger?

22)Your mood?
Optomistic about the future but currently veryyy sleeeepyyy...

23)Your car?
Pathfinder. I really liked my Altima better, but it definitely got crammed in there with the addition of baby #3.

24)Something you're not wearing?
Undies! (Great minds think alike, Mrs. OHN!)

25)Your favorite store?
Hobby Lobby, hands down.

26)Your summer?
Is just around the corner. Tuesday's high temp is 72. Ugh.

27)Love someone?
Absolutely. A few someones =) one of which is now snoring in my face.

28)Favorite color?
That new dark teal I'm seeing everywhere - love it.

29)Last time you laughed?
I laugh A LOT. But the last time I like fell over laughing - yesterday while watching episodes of Modern Family we had recorded. Love me some DVR action.

30)Last time you cried?
Friday, there was miscommunication with my job* and I thought my boss* was going to be upset w/ me but he wasn't and he was very understanding. It was a happy/relieved cry. (*i use these terms losely-i do the bulletins for our church)



Well, I don't think the objective was to write an entire blog entry for every question, but apparently I had a lot to say!

G O O D N I G H T

Scrap It

Scrap It meets tomorrow!! I'm so looking forward to getting a few pages done... I'm so stinking far behind! Why did I take up scrap booking?? I need something else on my calendar like I need a hole in my head. I feel incredibly scattered lately - so many things going on but nothing I can actually finish or feel accomplished about. I think worrying about Jeff's job situation, and contemplating what life is going to be like starting next week (him working 3 jobs (so no schedule) and 4 courses, only 1 of which is online, with 1 car, and Max playing soccer, and oh yeah, the boys have to get to and from school) isn't helping any. I need to chill... It'll all work out, it's just that feeling of being in limbo drives me nutty!


What the crap is up w/ these ridiculous looking shoes that claim to tone your legs and butt just by wearing them. is anyone ACTUALLY buying them? They're about the dumbest thing I've seen in awhile... Just sayin...

MaMa!

I had to explain to Ben (who will be 20 months old tomorrow) that MaMa has a 2000 hit limit to the times she can answer to "MaMa!!MaMa!!!" in any given 24 hour period. I'm completely maxed out for the day. He looked at me like he almost understood my pain, but about 3 seconds later...

"MaMa!"

Now that I've actually had a little more time to read other moms' blogs, I've decided I need to start a new blog where I would be anonymous. There are so many things that I'd love to rant about, and even tho NO ONE reads this, or even knows about it for that matter, it still has my name, husband/kids names, and if I could figure out how to put pics on it from my phone I want to put pics up every day. Sooo I can't really "go there" because there's a chance someone will actually read it.

With that said and without being too specific, Jeff is considering a HUGE change on the career front. His boss right now has been amazing in the past, but as of late has been kinda sucky. He even basically accused Jeff of stealing from the company- yeah, pretty sucky. He had to go thru the past 3 months of company credit card statements and account for every transaction (which he had already done-they have to fill out a form every time they use the company cc). I was FURIOUS. A new friend of his is big into selling Kirby vacuumes, and wants Jeff to work for him, doing the books. He is guaranteeing him 3x's more money than he's making right now (adios poor house!), and he loves all that accounting crap. It's going to be rough quitting the other job. We know the people very well and it will be emotional. It'll be harder on me - Jeff's a typical male, no biggie. Just praying he makes the right choice.

Time to put Mr. "MaMa!" to bed. Until next time...

biggest loser

Here I sit, watching Biggest Loser, eating a friggin piece of pumpkin pie. Someone please smack me.

ugh.

Yesterday Maxwell informed me that he shouldn't have given his lunch money to the lunch lady because he would have rather bought the "spencils" that were for sale for $10.

"Stencils?" I asked.

"Yes! Spencils!" he answered w/ a huge grin on his face. Love that kid.

Fast forward a couple hours and Noah asks if he can use my phone to look up facts about penguins. I say sure and start it for him by typing "penguines" into the google searcher thing. He looks at it w/ a confused face and starts trying to read what I typed, "pen-gUU-EEn-es??" I'm like what?? Then I realize Mr. Brainiac can't read mis-spelled words. Good grief. How am I supposed to be his mom when he's like on a completely different intelligence level than me!? I can't pretend to be smarter than him for much longer. He's gonna catch on!

Had a good, but long day today. Got all the Christmas decor put up. I had left it up because Christmas w/ Jeff's mom/brother(and family) was scheduled for our house on Jan 9th. Well, we woke up that morning w/ NO ELECTRICITY. The high was 30 that day. 30 degrees!!! Anyway, we moved it to Jeff's mom's which was fine w/ me, I didn't really wanna clean anyway =). The only irritating part (aside from having no electricity for God knows why) was that I had left all my decorations up. Oh well...

Today I'm thankful for Texas! Omg did I just say that?? I was born in NY and until the last month, I've hated the TX weather and dreamed of the day we would pack up and move back up north, but I've discovered something about myself lately (our highs have been in the 30's and lows in the friggin teens): I'm a total sissy!! Today's high of 55 was definitely welcome. If it didn't warm up soon our Christmas lights were going to remain up indefinitely!

GO MAVS!!!!

We picked a great one! The Pistons are typically a pretty strong team, but lately they've been struggling, although you wouldn't know that by the first half of the game last night.

We were down like 50 something to 30 something. Mavs shot a whopping 18% again, until the second half! Cue Dirk doing his Dirk thing and we came back and even led for awhile but it came down to the wire.

Tied w/ about a min left, Jet hit a key shot, Gooden had a key stop, and at that point Detroit had to start fouling and it was over.

Go Mavs =)

Today I'm thankful for feeling sore (yes I'm crazy but it's nice to know working out does something, especially when I'm not losing ANY weight).

Goin to the Mavs game tonight! Woo hoo! 2 nights ago they got killed by like 35 pts so hopefully they got a good butt-chewin by Mr. Carlisle and will actually be ready to play tonight. If not I'm getting another margarita and taking a nap! Ha. I'm old.

Today I'm thankful for this really, really cold winter we're having!!! I remember about 5 years ago we didn't even have a winter. The highs all thru Jan and Feb were in the upper 60's, even getting into the low 80's a couple of times. Just ridiculous and rather depressing. I really would love to live somewhere that had real winters, with snow on the ground, ya know? Not like blizzard city, just WiNtEr =) maybe the Lord knew I was itching for a change so he gave me this beautiful winter =)

love me some to-do lists

So 2010 already? Thought we were supposed to be hovering around in space craft and that surely I would be skinny, but no such luck. Same ol' same ol' - nothing new, except a new To-Do List! Whoo hoo!

To-Do in 2010:

* tithe over 10%
* save at least 10%
* take at least 2 more college courses
* lose 20 pounds, please God, just 20 pounds!
* be nicer =)
* watch Mavs play for the championship. You can do it, Mavs, even tho you're losing by almost 40 as I sit here typing this... Ugh...
* have consistent quiet times every day, even if all I have is 10 minutes, it's better than nothing

And finally,

* enjoy every second and thank God every step of the way.

Today I'm thankful for the future.