Thursday, February 25, 2010

details details

So I didn't really share any specifics yet did I? Here's the dillio-

I'd been feeling... off I guess, SUPER tired, and a little nautious, so I took a pee test... not expecting to be surprised. But oh was I.

Jeff is extatic. Over the moon. Hyper and goofy like a little kid. It's a mix of cute and really annoying. More annoying since I'm not feeling too hot. Yesterday he had the nerve to complain about the lunch I made for him! When he got home from work he was "starving" and proceeded to tell me that he had "choked down half of the sandwich bc it had mistard on it." EXCUSE ME? Of all times, this would be the best? He's never complained about the food I've made for him, and apparently he thought it would be "funny." He was mistaken. I let him know that critisizing your *slightly* emotional, pregnant wife is NOT as hilarious as he had anticipated. And I will not be making his lunch for awhile...

The boys are happy. Max wants another brother, Noah thinks maybe a sister would be ok. Ben has started saying "baby" and pointing to my tummy, which means he's cool with it I think? =)

Everyone I talk to wants it to be a girl, but I'm not really set either way. I HONESTLY believe that God knows we do well with boys, so it will not shock me if boy #4 is on the way.

It's just so much pressure with everyone telling me to "think pink" that if it's a boy, I worry he'll feel like he wasn't wanted. I guess all that matters is if he's wanted by his family, and there's nothing I'm gonna love more than a new life to join our family, no matter what "parts" come along. People don't realize that their words hurt. Did I mention I'm a tiny bit emotional lately? I'm not my normal self right now!

What's my normal right now?

Zombie with waves of nauseous-ball-of-yuck.

I'm sooo tired, all day everyday. I'm taking my vitamins, and they're helping a little, and I'm even still going to the gym, but just can't seem to WAKE UP!

The nauseousness is so odd this time around. I start to feel so sick and nothing in the world sounds good, but as soon as I make myself eat, I feel better!! Fooorrr about an hour. Then the cycle starts again. So I'm basically eating every hour, which makes me seriously nervous. I typically only gain 15-25 lbs w/ a pregnancy, and I keep 10 of it! Soo if I gain 40, will I keep 20!? Ugh. I know it's not worth worrying about, I just can't help it.

So I'm about 12 weeks, due Sept 7th. My next doc apt is next week on Wednesday, and I'll find out if we can schedule the gender check sono!! Just want to know. Really bad =) usually they can tell around 15-16 weeks, so we'll see...

Friday, February 19, 2010

Nausea nausea
Please go away
Despite what you've heard
I do not want to play.

Nausea, oh nausea
Please leave me alone
I don't want to be attached
To the porceline throne.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Sooo much news!

1. Ben is trying to potty train! He's only 21 months, so I'm not sure if it's a false alarm, or if I should go with it... still processing...

2. Right now there is 10 inches of beautiful, fluffy, bright white snow on the ground! In Texas!

3. 5 day weekend!!.

4. Jeff's getting more serious about going into business with a friend of his, which promises much more income than we're currently seeing, which like the potty training, I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it's encouraging.

5. We're pregnant!!!!!! Last but not least =)

Friday, February 5, 2010

Today I'm thankful for amazing babysitters who watch my kids for 2 hours longer than I had originally planned (one of the "best" but longest funerals EVER) and accept pizzas as payment =)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I've got good news and bad news...

So here's the bad news...

The funeral is tomorrow. I'm not prepared. Are you ever prepared for a funeral? Especially a funeral under these circumstances.

What do I say? I've heard soooo many different answers to that question, most of which contradict each other so how do I know which is best? I guess the generic "love you" is acceptable, even though it seems so basic and surface-level. But it's true, so that's a pro. Ugh. The more I analyze it the more nervous I get.

I know this sounds selfish so far, I really am thinking a lot about them and what they're going through, but I just don't know how I fit into the equation, so I don't know how to act.

My dad's been running around like a mad-man dealing w/ details, picking up people from the airport, delivering flowers, cleaning their house, etc. I wish there was more I could do, but who wants to ride an hour in the car w/ a screaming 1 year old from the airport?

It'll be nice when it's over. If one more person asks me details about it I think I might just fall apart. People have been cornering me!! Asking so many questions that the family does not want anyone to know, and I'm DEFINITELY not going to be the one to discuss details. The only reason I know some of it is because my dad was so overwhelmed that it just kept rolling out of his mouth and I just happened to be the one in the living room with him. He had to spend the whole day with them, finding out details, whens, why's. He was there when the dad told his daughter.

Heartbreaking stuff man.

Sooo did you think I forgot about the good news? Nope! Drum roll please.....

I have a reader!!!!! How cool is that! I'm gonna have to step up my game! Actually spell-check... Not whine and cry so much... Exaggerate a little to make my life seem a bit more interesting. Ok well maybe not the last one... I'm pretty sure my reader would see right thru it anyway ;)


Today I'm very thankful for my warm and comfy bed!

Monday, February 1, 2010


Just got off the phone with my dad. He usually only calls if he needs a favor, so sometimes I hesitate to answer, but I didn't this time. I definitely wasn't expecting what he said.

His best friend's wife was finally successful in ending her life this morning.

She's tried at least 3 times before, but because her husband was a high profile athelete, they managed to keep it very quiet, although everyone at church knew and she had gone through ministry w/ my parents multiple times.

I'm not really sad for her. She had so many people reaching out to her, letting her know how much we need her HERE, on earth w/ us, and that it would be very selfish of her to end her life, despite how much of a burden she felt she was (she had severe anxiety and felt worthless bc of it).

I am, however, devistated for her young daughter.

I can't even describe the sorrow I'm feeling in my heart for her. When she gets a little older, she's gonna realize that to her mom, she wasn't enough of a reason to fight for life. And that breaks my heart.

I get it that in the mom's mind, everyone is better off now, but it's obviously just the opposite. Thankfully the father is pretty stable, and my parents are pretty amazing at handling situations like this (my mom struggles w/ severe anxiety as well).

It still just sucks.

Today I'm thankful for forgiveness, and that our good friend is finding out exactly how good it is right now.